You're a wasp nest.

I am writing this blog because I need to try to write feelings more. I need to get it out...unclutter the mind...see what I can find in the mess. I also thought Summer would enjoy it. =)

I haven't been writing recently. I am in a writing class but I just turn in things I wrote before I got sad. I can seem to make myself work. Sometimes I think the stories are meant to remain safe and sound in my brain. Maybe they are just to entertain me..why would they be so hard to write down if they are for others? Am I being presumptuous by assuming others are meant to like them?
Every animal I have ever owned has been afraid of other people. They love me but not others. Similarly, most of my friends are just as finicky about people. I wonder if my ideas are like the humans and animals I surround myself with; if I try to show them to others they won't act the same. They won't work the same as they do with me. What if my brains are just like Bruce and Burnie and to a different extent..Megan and Summer and Rebecca?

I started taking adderol today. It is supposed to help me concentrate..to try to get some work done. I feel nervous but I am writing...a blog..so maybe it is working. The Dr. asked me if I had heart problems before he prescribed it because it can exacerbate preexisting conditions. He said that not everyone should take this med because it is dangerous but I seem to need it because I can't get any work done. I thought about it...about if it did shorten my life if that would be more upsetting than not writing. I can honestly say I would rather have a shorter more productive life than a long frusteratingly blocked one. I hope that I chose well...and that I am just being weird and it wont actually kill me. Decisions about drugs should not be made so willynilly anyways so I'm glad I thought about it.


I dunno..maybe I just need a pep talk.